Pirates of the Caribbean: TELL NO MORE TALES!!!!

We now have a picture and a synopsis of the upcoming, fifth installment of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales. Right off the bat I’m going to say they need to stop making these movies!! I’m done with them. The first Pirates came out in 2003. That was 12 years ago, and will be 14 when we see the fifth. This is a franchise that has run its course and needs to be over with.

I am probably one of the few out there that actually enjoys watching the first three Pirate films. Re-watching the first one again, I realize it was very much of my childhood, however, I still had a good time watching it. When I saw the fourth film, On Stranger Tides in theaters, I was into it for the first half hour, thinking that this franchise still had it. And in typical Pirates fashion, it was way too long and became crap. From that point on, I’ve thought these movies need to be done with. But, not so surprisingly, Johnny Depp likes money, and that’s what these movies give him.

Johnny Depp is a good actor. He’s a really good actor when he puts in the effort. We saw this in 2003 when he first introduced the character of Captain Jack Sparrow. Now that character is a spoof of itself. They were creative and smart in creating a savvy, witty, sneaky character, but now he’s just a bumbling idiot. He’s just riding the momentum of that initial brilliance and not adding anything to it. Depp can also play that role in his sleep by now, so he doesn’t even try anymore. That being said, if he’s not there, there’s no way they making this movie. Jack Sparrow can still sell tickets.

Dare I talk about the plot? I guess I will because this time it seems to be simple enough, unlike the last three. Some new pirate (Javier Bardem) has escaped from somewhere, and is going out to the sea to kill all of the other pirates so naturally, Sparrow has to find the Trident of Poseidon to rule the seas. This could really turn out either way. A lot of what these films do are absurd, but they make it fun and enjoyable. It all depends on the execution, which I have no faith in anymore. My 10 year old self would probably hate me for saying that. But that’s where these movies need to stay; in my childhood. I don’t need to be seeing another after I’ve graduated college.

There are parts of this movie that could prove me wrong, however. Javier Bardem could be a great addition because he is a phenomenal actor, something that has been missing recently. Orland Bloom appears to be returning which can only help, hopefully. That’s all I can think of right now. The pair of directors haven’t done anything I’ve seen so who knows what they’ll do.

Until summer of 2017, this is probably how I’m going to feel regarding this sequel. If somehow it turns out to be great, I may have a different opinion too. I’m a pretty big fan of the first three, but now I’ve grown tired of them. Let’s just hope I only have to sit through one more Pirates of the Caribbean.

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Tweeted photo from Jerry Bruckheimer

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